What is it about loss that makes us hang on even tighter to what we still have, even when it’s not good for us? Trauma affects our emotional brain in irrational ways sometimes. In my case, the loss of the opportunity to effectively bond with my primary caregiver (my mother) meant that I was always searching for a replacement.
As I grew older, I developed a people pleasing addiction because I wanted so badly to be seen, appreciated, loved and wanted and when I couldn’t get it from my mother, I chased after it from my lovers. Desperately needing to be validated and approved of, I shifted, molded, and manipulated my personality and body to fit what I believed would keep them attached to me because suffering a loss of love was out of the question; it was too painful a reality to face.
The more I tried to become someone else, the less connected I became to myself, my feelings, and my values and this created an even deeper void in my psyche because try as I might to avoid loss, I didn’t realize I was losing myself and that was a tragedy greater than any loss of a lover.
Inherent in suffering are lessons but the lessons can only be learned through the experiences. We have all the potential to become sages in our own right and thereby diviners of our destiny.
The mantra “Let Go and Let Peace” is a simple yet profound statement suggesting peace is found in letting go but before you can let go, you must go through and emerge more self-aware. Only then will you be able to start letting go of the past hurts, of the addictions, of the codependency, of the expectations, of the drama, of the guilt and of the shame.